


Guilt

by StellarRK



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alpha Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst, Guilt, Jealousy, M/M, Omega Nishinoya Yuu, Omega Verse, Omegaverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-01-29 02:08:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21402406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarRK/pseuds/StellarRK
Summary: Tanaka may regret letting Nishinoya over to his house before his heat....
Relationships: Nishinoya Yuu/Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Comments: 16
Kudos: 166





	1. Tanakas Room

It wasn't unusual for Nishinoya to spend time at Tanaka's house the day before his heat, if anything it became a routine.

All schools were required to accommodate omegas needs so it was important they get days off every month or so for their heat cycles. The amount of days given off were seven standard, more so if the omega had particularly intense heats, though seven was considered a generous amount as it accounted for recovery time for most omegas.

Nishinoya would claim he was well in tuned with his body and had relatively short heat cycles so he prioritized using the extra time off to go and have fun much to others dismay. He was constantly told he should slow down the week of, stop overestimating his control of his cycle and not to put himself at risk by making dumb decisions; but the little libero hated being told what he should and shouldn't do as an omega. If anything the warnings only further fueled his desire to prove them wrong and do as he wanted.

The biggest thing Nishinoya was pestered about was choosing to go to Tanaka's house before his heats. Tanaka was characterized as a reckless alpha; he'd constantly challenge others, was incapable of controlling his scent and overall not the type of guy you'd think an omega should be orbiting. But Noya rejected those cautions, sure Tanaka was an alpha and a pretty stereotypical macho one at that, but he was still his trusted friend.He knew to his core the alpha would never hurt him; even if others couldn't see that he trusted his own judgement. So much so that Noya almost made it a point to visit him at the start of his week off.

Noya looked forward to their hangouts, it was time he'd spend purely enjoying himself before getting cut off from people and succumbing to painful primal instincts for a few miserable days.

But this time things were different.

The two boys headed home together after practice, they stopped by the mini mart to grab snacks and talked about all the different ways karasuno would destroy the other schools.

Once at Tanaka's they played an array of arcade games for hours but by the time they had played a few rounds of street fighter Noya started acting strange.. His energetic and competitive spirit seemed burnt out and replaced by a hazy feeling. Tanaka hadn't noticed the omega entering a cloudy state until he had rested his head on the others shoulder. Tanaka jolted and paused the game, glancing to his side he saw his friend looking clammy leaning on him for support.

"Hey, uh Noya, you feeling okay?"

"Oh,yea...just got a headache and I'm tired too I guess."

He closed his eyes and leaned off of Tanaka onto a pile of the alphas dirty clothes; Tanaka was a bit embarrassed at the sight of this, he knew Noya was okay with how messy his room was but he didn't expect him to get so comfortable in it. He got a better look at Noya on the ground, pale and sweaty, must be a fever. He smelled fine, which for the most part was an indicator things would be alright, so there was nothing to really worry about.

right?

"Yo I can grab you some water and advil if ya want."

"Definitely need some of that."

As the words left Noyas mouth he grabbed his stomach in discomfort and had an upset look on this face.

"Okay, don't throw up on my clothes while I'm gone!"

"Try and stop me."

The two snickered at each other before the alpha headed to the kitchen down stairs.

It took Tanaka a few minutes to find some ibuprofen but once he snagged a bottle and a cup of water he triumphantly made his way back to aid his friend. But upon approaching his bedroom door he stopped, an uneasy feeling hit him; the hairs on the back of his neck raised up and his senses heightened, something wasn't right..

He cautiously opened his door to reveal Noya balled up on the floor squirming in pain. Seeing an omega role around in torment triggered a flighty feeling in the alpha as he rushed to the boys side.

"Geez Noya what's wrong?"

Tanaka asked frantically setting the cup and pills on his desk before moving down closer to check on him.

"I-I...I don't know.."

Noyas words were followed up by a wince and groan before the boy suddenly froze up at the touch of Tanaka's hand. His whole body tensed as the alpha placed his hand on his forehead checking his temperature.

"You're burning up, maybe we should-"

Tanaka's train of thought completely shattered at the sound of a soft mewl escaping Noyas lips. The omega began to hungrily rub his face against the hand placed on him seemingly desperate for the alpha's touch. It was at that point that he realized what was happening followed by a waft of scent smacking him in the face. Nishinoya had started his heat in Tanaka's room.

Not good.

Tanaka had never been close to an omega in this state before and NEVER imagined he'd be close to Noya like this. His whole body felt like it was on fire as the sweet intoxicating aroma of omega hit his nostrils, it filled the room with the sweetest of scents. It was mind numbingly delicious.

He found himself hypnotized by this odd sight of Noya writhing and moaning beneath him. Noya was an omega but Tanaka never really thought of him as one; he was small but never meek, commanding instead of submissive, so indifferent to his omega status. A stranger might mistake him for an alpha. But now the libero seemed so fragile, his skin was rosy, eyes glazed and panting in a heat fueled daze. He was an omega and it was foolish for either of them to have forgotten that.

Without thinking he moved in closer to the omegas neck inhaling the waves of stupefying goodness. The mixed scents engulfed the room as Tanaka unknowingly unleashed his scent which had already been present in the room but was now suffocating.Causing more needy cries from the omega unable to control himself.

Noya then let out a loud harsh moan of pleasure as Tanaka licked and sucked at his neck. He buckled and cried for more touch which was obliged as the alpha slipped his hand under the boys shirt and gently massaged his chest, Noyas breath hitched and his hips wriggled hungry for friction.

Tanaka also craved more contact, pinning down the tiny omegas hips he started desperately grinding against the other male. The friction was enough to make both of them groan with both desire and relief. The alpha felt his pants grow more and more restricting and hot, glancing down he saw wet spots had appeared on Noyas jeans which only further added to the alphas lust. Tanaka pressed hard but wanted to go harder, be more forceful. He wanted, no needed, to claim this omega. To strip him. To enter him. To claim him. To dominate him. To bite and fuck and

Reality was snapped back into place by a single whimper from Noya.

Tanaka pulled back and looked at Noyas eyes; they were glazed and wanting but also terrified and teary. The alpha was repelled by the gaze, springing to his feet he swiftly backed away in horror at his actions, managing to hit the back of his head on his bedroom door as a result of the frantic scurry. He wanted to apologize, say something, anything but nothing audible escaped his mouth. The two stared at each other wildly before Tanaka managed to open the door and escape the situation. Once out he stood in the hallway staring blankly at nothing in shock at what just happened. He could hear soft sobs coming from Noya on the other side of the door and it broke him.

He stood for a few more minutes grounding himself before descending the stairs and grabbing the home phone to dial Noyas mom.

"Hello?"

"Noya started his heat at my house."

Tanaka was straight to the point, there was no reason to dance around the situation with formalities. There was a few second pause before he got a response.

"Oh my god. I'm coming over. Tana...Tanaka I'm on my way."

She quickly hung up the phone before the he could reply but what she had said, or rather hadn't said, cut right through him. Tanaka knew what she wanted to say before she stopped herself. She wanted to question him, to ask what he'd done,throw out accusations, beg him not to touch her son... She'd be disappointed and hurt if she knew what he'd done and that's exactly why she stopped herself.

Disgusting alpha.

The guilt of his desires pained him. That primal part of him demanded he go back up stairs and fuck the needy omega before she got here to stop him. Claim him before he's taken away. Noya was up there masturbating to the smell of this clothes, he needed an alpha and it was wrong of him to deny him the consolence of one. Tanaka wanted to, he really wanted to, but at the same time he wouldn't forgive himself if he did that to Noya.

He knew Noyas mom would be there shortly, he wanted to change out of his soiled clothes and be somewhat presentable for when she came. He quickly headed to the laundry room and put on a clean pair of sweatpants and a hoodie in hopes they'd hide his erection and smother his scent glands for the time being. Being around an omega in heat was sending him into rut and it made things rather uncomfortable. He just had to keep his mind on getting Noya home. Get him home. Get him to safety.

He waited at the bottom of the stairs staring up at his bedroom door and gripped the railing as if to anchor him to where he stood. He awkwardly waited and kept his death grip until furious footsteps could be heard from outside. The front door opened to reveal Noyas mom, a petite omega only a smidgen taller than Noya, they shared many features but had very different personalities. She rushed in visibly shaken and wide eyed looking in every direction.

"Where is Yuu?"

She asked it bluntly but there was urgency and fear in her words.

"Up stairs in my room."

Tanaka pointed up at the door above but felt her judging eyes still locked on him. As she hurried over to ascend the stairs she halted suddenly in front of Tanaka, then hesitantly took a few small steps back. The two's eyes met once again but this time the mother seemed taken aback with a shocked look on her face. It took Tanaka a minute to realize that he had growled at the woman. A rude gesture that essentially asserted his dominance over the staircase and by extension Noya. 

"Ah, I didn't mean any disrespect!"

Tanaka backed away from the railing incredibly flustered. She was right to worry for her son, to want to take him away but a possessive part of him was revealed when she attempted to.

She had recollected herself from her frantic state and spoke calm and assertively.

"Tanaka, thank you for calling me...He needs to go home."

She looked at the bedroom door then to Tanaka.

"Please wait in your backyard while I handle things here. Can you do that?"

Tanaka only nodded and did as she asked.

Once into the backyard he peered through the sliding glass door where he could see past the living room to the front door. He waited and waited til he saw Noya and his mom leave, she had been practically caring him out. Seeing the usually eccentric libero so defeated was unnerving.

Upon returning inside the house everything reeked of omega with the smell emanating from Tanaka's room. He didn't know what to expect to see going back in, it felt wrong going back in after what had happened but it wasn't like he'd never step foot in his room again. The pile of clothes where he left Noya was now even more disheveled than before, many items were covered in fluids and unsurprisingly it looked as though Noya had taken a few of the alphas shirts with him.

The room was too much of a sensory overload to stay in, Tanaka quickly opened a window to air out the smell and left. He diverted his anxious and aroused energy into cleaning for the next few hours. He didn't feel like explaining what had happened to his parents, as they would assume the worst and if Saeko heard about it she'd most definitely kill him. But what he wanted to distract himself from the most from was the thought of how much Noya must hate him now.


	2. Overwhelmed

It was hell going back to school after that. There was a feeling Tanaka couldn't shake as he went about his day, he knew it wasn't true but there was a lingering paranoia that others could smell Noya on him. Not just Noyas normal scent which normally wouldn't bother him, as they were always seen together but the sweet intoxicating smell of an omega in heat. If that were the case their relationship would immediately become twisted into something else. It would confirm what most already seemed to speculate about the pair.

"I knew Tanaka was preying on that poor delusional omega."

"I always warned Nishinoya about him!"

"Tanakas always been out of control."

"Disgusting."

These thoughts festered in Tanaka's mind, the feeling of guilt was like a blade piercing deeper and deeper in his gut every time he thought of his friend.

Going to practice felt impossible, the alpha ended up skipping two days of it to regain his composure enough to act normally around his teammates. Ukai and Daichi both scolded him for being a slacker thinking that his lack of attendance was a result of disinterest with Noya's lack of presence but a few teammates gave him suspicious looks as though they suspected something more.

He caught Kageyama and Sugawara staring at him more than a few times but the alpha forced himself to ignore them as not to give in to his paranoid thoughts. He wanted so desperately to get his nervous energy out that he put his all into everything he did on the court, training harder than ever before, shouting and teasing others in some hollow effort to prove to himself all was well. But even still getting himself to so much as look at the team's other small rambunctious omega, Hinata, gave him knots in his stomach.

Noya ended up returning almost a week and a half after the incident, definitely a lot longer than his heats usually lasted. When he returned he was greeted by a small group of omegas, a change in the length of a heat cycle was significant to them in some way, they circled around the small boy checking in on his health and sharing stories of their own past experiences. Noya was reluctant to say much but was polite nonetheless.

Though Tanaka and Noya had many classes together they both couldn't bring themselves to so much as acknowledge one another, even at lunch both sat alone unable to break the tense atmosphere. It was hard for people not to notice but no one commented on it.

It wasn't until practice that Tanaka found himself able to look at Noya again. He didn't seem his normal spirited self, his eyes were noticeably tired looking and his skin a bit pale. He stayed close to Asahi in the gym, the two didn't seem to be practicing at all, just talking. Noya almost seemed like he was trying to hide himself behind the other boy as they discussed a secret topic.

Asahi was an alpha but he was the exact opposite kind that Tanaka was. He wasn't violent or loud, he minded his scent and avoided confrontation at all costs. Omegas trusted him and alphas respected his temperament. Noya had confided in Tanaka when they were first years that he had a crush on Asahi so of course it made sense that he'd gravitate to his soft dream boy when looking for someone to make the world feel safe and rosy again. 

Tanaka's guilt twisted and burned in his gut and up arose another intense unexpected feeling, jealousy.

Would it have been different if it was Asahi there? Would he have immediately sensed what was happening to Noya? Or would he have been extra precautious and told Noya not to come to his house at all? What if that wasn't the case. What if the soft and meek alpha were to have a switch flip just as Tanaka had at the smell of an omega in heat and didn't have the control to pull back. If the large alpha hadn't listened to the omegas cries and instead pinned him down and fucked him on the floor. What if he kept him in that room for hours in a lust filled haze.

Tanaka clenched his fists hard, his chest tightened and his eyes locked on to Asahi.

Who is Noya supposed to trust when he's at his most vulnerable if not his best friend? He had failed Yuu but how is the omega to know Asahi is any better.

The emotions were overwhelming Tanaka, was he trying to protect his friend or claim him?

The alphas thoughts were disrupted when Asahi and Noya suddenly both turned to him. His eyes widened and swept the room with the panicked realization that everyone was staring at him.

"Tanakaaa!" a voice finally registered in his ears as he noticed a hand tugging at his shirt.

"Huh, what?" Tanaka said bewildered to see Hinata at his side

"Were you ignoring me? I only called your name like a million times! I thought you were going to train with me today.." the omega pouted but still with an air of enthusiasm, obviously oblivious to any of Tanaka's internal struggle.

Though the rest of the gym all seemed to still be staring at him, an anxious feeling crept over Tanaka as he wasn't sure how long he had been intensely staring at Asahi or how many times Hinata had said his name. Whatever both were it was sure long enough for everyone to notice.

"I can, I mean I will, um, yeah. Just give me a minute.." Tanaka quickly responded rubbing the back of his neck anxiously.

He glanced back across the room to see Asahi and Noya leaving the gym together. An unexplainable chill when up his spine.

"Wait Yuu!" A desperate cry rang out from Tanaka.

He wanted to run after his friend but his body felt heavy as though his feet were cemented to the ground. It was in that moment that the atmosphere in the gym changed, seemingly something clicked in his teammates minds and they all in that moment knew that something involving statuses had occurred between the two boys.

"Gross" whispered Tsukishima under his breath in the dead silent room as he walked by with Yamaguchi.

Normally Tanaka would've snapped back at such a comment from Tsuki but it hit a nerve too raw and exposed to say anything. The giant open gym suddenly shrank into a tiny box with what felt like hundreds of eyes staring him down in judgement, trapping and suffocating him with his own guilt. 

The alpha ran to the bathrooms only looking at the ground along the way.

Once in the cold empty space he stood in front of a sink gripping the edge to balance himself. The world around him seemed to spin at a sickening pace. He grabbed his chest with a free hand and tried to breathe but everything felt so tight, he couldn't hear anything but his own heartbeat. It rang in his ears, down his throat and in his chest pounding at a rate he'd never felt even during the most intense volleyball games. The nausea of the spinning brought him to his knees as he gasped yet again for air, everything felt surreal and so overwhelming it wouldn't stop, none of it would. Uncontrollable tears began to fall from his face as the pain of that sharp blade of guilt finally became too much to bare. He grieved what felt like the loss of his best friend and shame of what he must look like to both Noya and his teammates.

He was alone for a good long while before someone came to check on him, it was of course Sugawara who cautiously walked in. Tanaka wasn't surprised but still wasn't quite ready to talk to anyone.

"What happened between you and Nishinoya? We're all worried about you two" Suga asked very concerned and fidgety, obviously uncomfortable with seeing a teammate in such a state.

"I don't want to talk about it." the alpha sniffled

"I don't think not talking about it has made anything better so far has it?" The boy remarked while offering Tanaka a water bottle he brought with him. Tanaka took the bottle but gave no response.

"If it's something bad I promise I won't hate you, Tanaka..." Suga said sheepishly.

"I didn't rape him of that's what you're trying to ask." Spat back Tanaka.

"I'm not accusing you of that Tanaka! I just know something must've happened near Noya's heat because you've acted pretty strange since then and now this. Somethings obviously eating you up, it's okay to tell me."

"Noya..." Tanaka's throat felt like it was closing up at the thought of saying it, he chugged back as much water as possible before forcing the words out.

"Noya started his heat at my house, in my room..We, well I .. I scared him, honestly I scared myself." Tanaka's eyes darted around the floor gathering his thoughts

"I stopped myself from doing something horrible but I still violated his trust and our friendship...I don't know how to talk to him about it, I don't know what to think of myself."

Tanaka felt arms wrap around him as Suga sat next to him on the floor.

"Sadly no alpha or omega really knows the effect they have on one another until an unfortunate situation like that arises... You're both stupid for letting such a thing happen, I'm being honest saying that, but I do think your self control in the moment to pull back and prioritize Noyas safety reflects how strong the bond is between you two. I've seen the love you two have for each other and refuse to let it be ruined over something like this."

Sugawara's comment made Tanaka tense up. The two had played with fire too long that they forgot they could even be burned. It was painful but true. Their irresponsible behavior was always a hair away from becoming something dangerously more simply because of status. Was it "love" that Suga mentioned that kept them from crossing that boundary or the trust established in their years of friendship? And with that sacred trust violated now what were they? 

Tanaka just slumped into Suga's arms, exhausted from his thoughts


	3. Chapter 3

Tanaka and Sugawara left the bathroom just in time to help clean out the gym. It looked as though Asahi and Noya really had left early. Suga tried his best to give some final encouragement and another big hug before heading home, he suggested Tanaka simply go talk with Noya about the situation but how exactly was that going to work?  
Seeing Noya at school was awkward enough, showing up at his house would be another level of discomfort, especially if Noyas mom was there…

Just thinking of her made the boy shiver unable to forget her panicked voice and fearful eyes. She had always given him odd and concerned looks after he presented as an alpha. She had that look of distressed a parent might have while watching their child play with a snake, always hyper aware and waiting for it to strike. Is that how she must think of him? 

A resentful part of Tanaka wanted to prove her wrong in some way, show that he’s better than what she might think of him but really the only thing he could do was apologize and respect her wishes, whatever that might be..  
Tanaka sighed in discontentment and made his way to Noyas house, it was a familiar path that now felt cold and estranged. The omegas house wasn’t far from the school, his family home sat just over a small hill nestled in a cozy little neighborhood. As Tanaka made his way up the hill he saw a familiar face coming his way, it was Asahi, the two boys both seemingly paused upon spotting the other then awkwardly kept walking until they met in the middle. 

“You walked Noya home?” 

“Uh yeah, he said he didn’t want to walk it alone.” 

“Oh.. Did he talk to you about anything?” Tanaka asked it coyly but it was still a very probing question. He was desperate to know what Noya was feeling but the question also put the alpha on edge, if Asahi knew what happened how would he feel about him inquiring about the omega. Asahi wasn’t the type to lash out defensively but it was Noya we’re talking about, if there was anyone the meek alpha should bare his teeth for it would be the little libero.

“Just a few things. I don’t think it’s my place to really be sharing any of it. Noya might tell you though..” Asahi averted his eyes but his response still felt warm, lacking any kind of hostility. 

“You think Noya would be okay with talking to me?” Tanaka had a puzzled look on his face, it definitely wasn’t something he was expecting to hear. The alpha’s heart raced with panicked confusion.

“Well yeah, he does but I don’t think he knows how to exactly start the conversation he wants to have.” Asahi had that knowing soft look on his face, it irritated Tanaka a little bit just how calm he was discussing such pressing matters. 

“Tanaka, do you not like me?”

“What?” The alphas train of thought had completely combusted. His eyes stared blankly at Asahi in a state of confusion.

"You’ve given me some very strange looks today…”

“I give everyone weird looks.” Tanaka’s face reddened, he knew exactly what the other boy was talking about but was shocked he had the nerve to bring it up. Tanaka was quick to dismiss it, admitting he was jealous of Asahi was definitely not something he wanted to add to his list of things to do today.  
Asahi smiled again trying in some small way to break the heightened tension, full on knowing he’d struck a nerve.

“Ah well I need to go have that talk with Noya, so, I guess I’ll see you later man.” Tanaka huffed the sentence out and began stomping away but something inside pulled him back, tethered by some unknown force that wanted him to stop being an idiot. 

“Asahi, I don’t see how anyone could dislike you..” He had a sour look on his face as he said it, it wasn’t at all easy to admit. Glancing back at his friend he saw the sheepish smile fade into a warm genuine one, the kind that suited Asahi best.

The alpha felt an invisible wall fall in that moment, Asahi didn’t deserve to feel dejected by him. The boy really wanted to find something to hate about him but there wasn’t anything...They both cared deeply for Noya and Asahi never seemed to harbor any spite for Tanaka’s relationship with the omega so why should he feel threatened by Asahis relationship with him. His jealousy wanted to convince him that Asahi would’ve done worse in the situation he had found himself in but his heart told him otherwise. He was the teams gentle giant, a soft well mannered and respectable alpha; these were qualities that Noya loved about him and reasons why Tanaka quietly resented him.They were things that Tanaka was not and could never bring himself to be.. It was painful accepting that Asahi was a better mate for Noya but it was the truth. Tanaka had been angry over that fact for a while but it felt like a weight he was exhausted of carrying.

“Thank you Tanaka, and good luck with Noya!” The gentle alpha beamed with surprised delight.

Tanaka’s face was still red, he hadn’t said anything like that to Asahi before and he felt a sense of vulnerability he wasn’t quite comfortable with. Ironically he was more comfortable crying in front of Suga than simply complementing Asahi. Maybe it was because he was another alpha that it felt so wrong but regardless out of all the crappy decisions Tanaka had made in recent time he felt good about this choice.


	4. Rain Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanaka finally arrives at Noya's house

Tanaka now stood on the step of Noyas' house hesitant, wavering nervously between having the will to knock or give into that cowardly retching sensation that had been crawling its way up his throat telling him to turn and leave. In the time he stood there caught in his thoughts the clouds had turned a dull grey, jolting his buzzing mind to blank the moment a cold water droplet had hit his scalp. The initial drops were heavy and the few became many as a furious downpour quickly rolled in.  
As the water smothered him Tanaka threw his head back and released a heavy sigh. The mental exhaustion of the day took its toll on him and now the weather had up and turned on him, maybe it really was a sign to let things be and go home..

As the boy took his first step off the stoop he heard the creak of a door behind him. The boy's body spinned around alarmed to see Noyas mom standing with the door half open. The two held silent eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time before Tanaka figured she must've took pity on the soaked teen and gestured him in.  
“T-thank you..” Tanaka spoke nervously as he clumsily removed his shoes, trying his best not to get water everywhere. As he fumbled around the small woman still stood silent and vigilant across from him.

“You’re here to see Noya?” Her judging stare was piercing. 

“Yes and you as well.” Tanaka tried his best to compose himself, acting politely was very much against his nature and came off incredibly awkward.  
She continued to give him an analyzing look before untangling her tightly crossed arms, seemingly lowering her guard ever so slightly. 

“Oh, me as well? If that's the case follow me.”

She made her way into the kitchen with Tanaka following behind, upon walking in she gestured to a table implying him to sit there.

“Take a seat. I’ll make you some tea, something hot will feel nice after being out in that rain.”

“That’d be really nice, thank you ma’am.”

He sat patiently at the table. He had a window to his left and Noyas mother preparing tea to his right, his eyes glued to her as she prepared cups and heated up the water. He could feel the cold air creeping up his shoulder emanating off the window. While the interior of the kitchen was comfortably warm and inviting Noyas mother had the same cold aura as the outside storm. The alpha couldn’t help but feel oddly like a little kid waiting around in a doctor's office to get a shot, anticipating the pain of whatever discussion or scold she had coming for him. 

“I saw you out there you know, on the steps.. You were there for quite a bit before you decided to turn away. Must be dealing with a lot on your mind or at least that's what I would assume.” She remarked bringing over two cups of tea before settling herself in the seat across from the boy. 

“Sorry about that, it's been a confusing day for me..I was wanting to come by here to apologise to both you and Noya if that’s okay..” Tanaka spoke softly feeling greatly embarrassed that she had seen him standing out there for god knows how long  
...She probably thinks I'm a total creep, he thought. 

“Oh, that's very responsible of you Tanaka.” She took a deep thoughtful sip of her tea before continuing “I really didn’t expect to see you coming back around here if I’m being completely honest.” Her response was deadpan enough for Tanaka to be unsure if that was something she was hoping he’d end up doing or not.

“Well Noya is my best friend. If I mess up I’ll always want to apologise to him and I messed up bigger than I ever have on anything ever, so ..yeah.” Tanaka expressed sheepishly. He gripped and fidgeted with his cup but couldn’t find it in himself to drink any of it “And I'm really glad you’re here because like I said I want to apologise to you as well, I-I realize that I’ve been greatly irresponsible with Noya for a long time now. Our dynamic hasn’t at all really changed since presenting and looking back now the concerns people around us had- concerns you had about what we were doing were valid and I was an idiot for ignoring them. I destroyed the trust we had and now I hurt him or at the very least scared him to the point of wanting to avoid one another. I want you to know that when I begin to rebuild trust with Noya I want to do the same with you. Our relationship won’t be the same as it was and I now think that's for the best. I’ll be more respectful of our differences instead of playing blind to them..” Tanaka felt his ears burn, he wasn’t one to often express or articulate himself so well especially to adults and especially about something like this..it was tough to say the least.

“I’m happy that you wanted to treat Yuu the same after presenting.. I was so scared when he presented as an omega... I thought that he’d have to deal with friends not feeling comfortable around him anymore or worse that they’d try to make it something they could take advantage of…” Her expression had softened but also showed some pain in her features. Her intense gaze had turned to a look of grief and turmoil, no longer wanting to look him in the eye. 

“You were both so reckless and at the same time so dangerously vulnerable to one another and it would just drive me crazy that neither of you saw it.” Her voice turned ever so shaky as the evidence of tears began to build up at her waterline. 

“Noya fought me so much to still be around you. He was adamant you wouldn’t hurt him.. and Tanaka I can’t say he was wrong. My heart dropped when you called me and I was terrified at the thought of what I’d arrive at your house to. My greatest fear was for him to end up like so many others...I can’t begin to explain how happy I am that my baby is home, that he is safe and most of all that he hasn’t had to suffer like me.” 

There was a long air of silence following her words with only the comfort of the outside downpour to echo in. Tanaka could feel her ache emanating across the table, he felt it grip his chest and crush his sternum.The tears seemingly became too much for her to contain in that moment but still she held her composure softly wiping away tears with only a quiet sniffle.

“I’m still in disbelief at the bond you two have. I want to trust you more too, your recent actions and words have been changing my perception of you... You’re a good kid and a good alpha, Tanaka. I accept your apology and feel Yuu will as well.” She smiled weakly at him with the subtle sense of warmth behind it.

Tanaka didn’t know how to respond, his emotions were a mix of so many things. He knew she had always expected the worst of him and to now hear that she was suddenly so open to trusting him after an event like that caused him unexplainable pain. He hurt for her fear, they were fears he couldn't say he didn't now harbor for himself feeling unworthy of her gratitude. If she had just cussed him out and set up crazy rules around seeing Noya he would have felt more content but the raw openness of the situation and forgiveness hit harder than anything he could have anticipated. 

“..Thank you. I promise I won’t disappoint either of you.” 

“I know.” She once again smiled but appeared more comfortable this time calmly taking another sip of her tea. “Well you’re probably eager to talk to Yuu at this point so I’ll let you go then. He's up in his room, you of course know where that is.” Her eyes were lowered to her cup no longer feeling the need to analyze his every move. 

Tanaka felt weird leaving the kitchen, he had always wanted to prove himself to be a good alpha to her but not like this. Her expectations for alphas were too low for him to feel at all fulfilled by her assurance. He still wanted to be better and only Noya would have fair judgement to his actions.


	5. Confessions

The alpha tapped lightly against the ajar bedroom door and was quickly responded to by a familiar voice.  
"Yeah? Come in."  
Tanaka peered in and was greeted by a particularly surprised looking Noya. From the looks of things the omega had just taken a shower considering his damp hair and the towel draped around his neck though what really seemed noteworthy about the boy was that he looked to be wearing one of the shirts he snagged from the alphas house. 

"Tanaka…"  
Noya said his name quietly with a wide eyed expression looking quite reminiscent of a deer in headlights. 

"I was just wanting to talk if that's okay.. If not I understand. I can leave if you want me to." Tanaka gestured away for his offer to leave, he remained his uncomfortable level of politeness with a now present level of anxiety for how fragile he felt the situation was.

"No, no, no, come in!"  
Noya replied suddenly, ushering him in before turning to frantically pick up some of the mess laid about his room. Noyas bedroom wasn't nearly as messy as the alphas but an omega was more likely to have scandalous things left around their space.. like those shirts.

"Um, sit here" Noya pulled up his desk chair for the alpha and placed himself across the room on the bed, they were an awkward distance from one another but it matched the level of awkwardness the conversation would surely be. 

"I wanted to apologize to you for-" Tanaka began but was swiftly interrupted by Noya

"No! Don't.. I knew what I was doing and that it was wrong, I need to be the one to apologize" Noyas cheeks were flushed and Tanaka looked questioningly at the boy, greatly taken aback. He should be the one saying that to Noya not the other way around..

"Listen, I started coming to your house before my heats as a point to disprove what others told me to feel about myself, about alphas and this whole illusionary power dynamic thing.. It was selfish of me to use you to make a statement like that, it endangered our friendship and put so much responsibility on you for my dumb decisions. I did that, I created that situation between us, you just made the mistake in trusting I knew what I was doing. I’m sorry...” Noya looked down to his fidgety hands with his shoulders slumped in defeat. 

“Don’t blame yourself Noya, I wanted to make that statement to others too. We both allowed it to happen but I-”

“No." Noya once again stopped the alpha this time shaking his head, his voice more anxious than before. 

" My actions were even more selfish than that, Tanaka…”The usually confident omegas voice turned shaky and his hands almost looked to be trembling. “It's difficult for me to confess this. Its so stupid, I'm so stupid...M-my motives changed a few months back for why I wanted to come see you.. “  
A look of disgust and shame filled the omegas face completely as the words fought to escape his mouth.

“I started to like submerging myself in your scent before my heats.. I purposely wanted to smell like you right before it. The smell of an alpha would feel so euphoric before my heat and when it started it would just.. help me..."  
The omega trailed off his sentence, truly humiliated with his words. His eyes were even more evasive and now incredibly guilty.  
"So it's my fault. I not only ignored everyone's warnings I also took advantage of our friendship and even perverted my initial cause. All of it was incredibly selfish of me...So I need to be the one to apologize, not you..” Noya looked to be on the verge of tears, barely holding himself together after the forced confession. The omega had never seemed so small, it was as though the weight of his own words had crushed him almost completely.

The two sat in an uncomfortably long silence with only the hush of the rainfall to fill the air. Tanaka tried to absorb the information, but a part of him didn't want to, confronting the truth filled him with slight repulsion. He always trusted Noya to have the best of intentions in mind, they were best friends after all… But he just used him.

“Tanaka I’m really really sorry.”  
The omega broke the silence having sensed the alphas' discomfort and his lack of response only furthered the omegas' growing anxiety. The tears now fell, a stream poured from Noyas face as he now looked to Tanaka desperately searching for some kind of reassurance.  
“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. I promise you, I really promise you. I know what I did was terrible and awful and completely understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore but please please please know that I'm sorry and I really want us to still be friends, I’ll do anything for us to still be friends!” Noyas voice was strained and cracking, holding back vicious sobs. His hands gripped and twisted the bedsheets beneath him in tearful agony.

“...Noya, it's alright.” Tanaka spoke calmly though still found himself tense “This whole thing stemmed from us not acknowledging status differences, your scent sent me out of control, you coming by my house near your heat all the time sounds like it was bound to end up like that..”  
Tanaka was hurt though he felt their friendship wasn’t something he’d never want to just lightly throw away. His immediate fear was that Noya was only close to him because he was so easy to take advantage of but the knowledge of them being just as close before presenting subsided the paranoia.

"Mhmn" Noya stared at the floor bitterly wiping away tears. “Do you find it disgusting? ..Me liking your scent like that?” He asked coyly 

The question made Tanaka's face red “Uh well I guess it’s weird to hear but I don’t think any less of you for it, Noya. I felt disgusted with myself for being so affected by your scent, what it almost made me do..”  
Tanaka felt his own guilt creep back once more.  
“We can just acknowledge that it happened because of status differences. I know you wouldn’t intentionally use me and you know I’d never force myself on you.. It happened because of statuses..” 

“I wish you wouldn’t talk about it like that, so steriley ” Noya had pain in his voice once more but differently this time. “You say you don't think less of me but you’re going to start treating me differently because you realize I really am just like the rest.” Noya slightly growled “You’ll mentally boil us down to just statuses. I'm just an omega and you’re just an alpha at the end of the day. Trying to act like anything other than those roles is just asking for trouble right?” the boy visibly tensed up, fists clenched in a now quiet internal rage. 

“Noya no, I do see you more than just an omega but I'm just trying to say we should be aware of what effect we have on each other because you’re an omega and me an alpha.” Tanaka retorted defensively, gesturing his hands unsure of how he was sounding. 

“I hate it” Noya spat suddenly "I hate feeling lesser, feeling small, being seen as weak by everyone. You were the only one who tried seeing me as anything other than an omega and I completely fucked it up for myself.” The mix of anger and sadness emanated strongly from the boy weighing down the room ever more.  
“You know every single day I get told not to be myself,  
“You’re too loud for an omega”  
“Playing sports with so many alphas sounds dangerous”  
“You won't attract a respectable mate acting that way””  
Noya recited mockingly  
“And if not verbally they tell me with their eyes, the judgmental stares and glances come from people of all statuses. It hurts. No one wants me to be myself as an omega. I don't want to be one anymore, I never wanted to be one..”

“I don’t want you to not be yourself, I’m not trying to say that at all.” Tanaka leaned forward in his chair as the words blurted out. “I guess it was hard for me to see you as an omega all this time because of how different you act but also because I care about you as a person, not as a status. I'm friends with you because you’re you; status wouldn’t change that. Whether you were an omega beta or alpha I’d still want to be around you because I like you as a person. But I also care about you being safe, not because I think you’re weak but because of the circumstances. I never want to be a risk to you..” Tanaka didn’t know what Noya wanted to hear from him or what was even appropriate to say to the omega. He had never thought too deeply about status until just recently and it was difficult for him to try catching up to where Noya was coming from. 

“I understand..” Noyas anger had subsided but his expression still seemed sore and saddened.  
“Ya know, Tanaka, when I went into heat at your house… I wasn't at all scared of us having sex, it was how you looked at me that completely terrified me. In that moment you didn't look yourself and you didn’t see me as me. I was just something to conquer. We were both so far from ourselves I....I’m so scared at the thought of you looking at me that way again but..” the omega bit his lip unsure how to continue. 

“I don't get what you’re saying.” The red returned to Tanaka's cheeks and he couldn't help but be honest and vocalize his internal panic, worried to misinterpret Noyas words.. Why would he be so blunt in bringing up them possibly having sex?? He felt their conversation had quickly slipped to something one sided as the alpha had a completely different mindset entering the room.

“I-I think we should talk later.” Noyas' face flushed in embarrassment at Tanaka's response “I'm sorry I'm such a mess...You coming here really means everything to me, Tanaka, thank you for that.”

Noya hopped up and Tanaka instinctively arose as well. As Tanaka stood up the smaller boy met him with a hug. The alphas heart raced as he had earlier feared he’d never have Noya this close to him again but the feeling was almost overshadowed by the mixed emotions of all that Noya had divulged to him; still he found himself melting into the other boy. Noya had laced his arms so tightly around Tanaka's waist it was as though the omega feared some invisible force would at any moment pull him away forever.  
Tanaka had always viewed Noya as tough, hugging him it was clear he was physically fit yet he had maybe overlooked Noyas emotional strength. Tanaka only knew of his own experiences being a rowdy alpha yet he always felt Noya and him had some kinship in their struggles and assumed their situations as being mirror images of one another but really he knew nothing of what it was like being a rowdy omega. The social pressures and threats of his day to day life was something he kept to himself.

Upon exiting the house the heavy rain clouds looked to have long left and the warm rays washing down seemed to now illuminate the entire neighborhood with a soft golden glow. The air felt fresh and new having been purified by the storm. Tanaka felt himself having a new perspective on Noya, he not only wished to rebel against standards held against omegas but really wished to just not be one entirely.  
He no longer understood his friend as well as he once thought he did but still he wished to grow to know this new Noya. For their to be no secrets between them

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing fanfiction so please be nice :')  
Constructive criticism is appreciated!


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